So here I am again.
Typing text on my worn-out computer.
Outside there another rainy day. I guess summer never changes in here.
Today I'm turning 23.
Not the thing, I'm most proud of, but I guess it doesen't matter anyway.
Why should I care?
It wasn't my choice to be born anyway.
I have never been much of a party animal.
I use to hate birthdays, christmas, easter, thanksgiving etc.
Every freaking reason to het family together to celebrate.
I hated expecially the days when I was the star of the day.
Graduation should be happy thing, not the worst nightmare.
Well I still hate these days, and today is not expception.
Well not at the age of 23, what have I achieved so far.
Looking back I see nothing worth mentioning.
Still single, still not living at her own, still at school.
So far not so good. I'm useless.
But I'm rather optimisctic about future.
I here by declare that my next birthday post will be full of positive words!
Until then, i continue to hate my own birthday.
Again I celebrate it with my family and friends.
On the inside, I just wish this day would be over soon.
I have noticed recently, that I write only when something major is happening. Usually my own life is so freaking boring that I get influenced of everything else. Somene said this about fangirls and I think is very true.
They are stronger than anyone else on the inside, because when they are loving these Japanese/Korean stars, they experience the setbacks they’ve never experienced in life. They are all sensitive children, easily touched to tears for a long time because of one incident.
Yeah, I would cry right now if my roommate wouldn't be here. Why is it that you start trusting someone again, that person, after a while, ends up stabbing you into back. Or something not so brutal. Mental image of that saying is nauseating. If you have read the current news, you might have noticed, what the hell I'm talking about.
Bakanishi, my greatest enemy and my greatest source of sadness and bad memories. I tried my hardest to respect him and I actually started to like him again. And here he goes again. Causing a major shock to everyone. One dead girl already and I understand here some way. I remember my own feelings when he..okay you know the story already. But the thing is that I get so emotional when something happens in JE world. Maybe that's the bad thing in me. I'm a freak, I have already accepted that fact and I'm living with that. But maybe it keeps me from doing certain things, like living. Jin has chosen his own path and goes on with it, no matter what others thinks. I'm maybe jealous of him. It has been said that we hate certain people 'cos we want to be that person and envy what he/she has. Interesting fact.
So Jin has done it again, news flash! But he is taking responsibility of that baby (if Meisa is really pregnant). Besides she is very pretty girl and I wanna see little bakanishi baby. He will be handsome. Yes I'm sure it will be boy. Or a pretty girl. Let is be boy okay! Oh what the hell, I dont even like kids and I dont want one for myself. Or maybe adopted one.
Anyway I just wanted to write couple my thought. I should run soon. I have first Tai Chi lesson. Super excited!
Ja na! And here is my finishing quote from the psychologists than in the start:
(fangirls)their hearts are purer than anyone else, they love courageously, they will want to try their best to tackle difficult obstacles
Keep on fighting sisters!!
Long time no see!
Lot has happened since my last entry, both in JE world and my own.
I shall start writing again 'cos I have been having a lot of problems lately. Mainly caused by lack of fangirlism.
Who am I try fool? I need them in my life to keep my sanity at a proper level.
This weekend I dedicate my time to them as well as my own well being.
I started writing poems again. They never seem to change into positive ones.
On the outside I may seem a happy bubbly personality but inside I'm a big mess with lot of on-going issues with myself and people around me. I really should go see therapeutist one of these days. This may sound weird, but here me out.
All of my life I have wished I had psychic abilities, not knowing or maybe not realising I have these. I sense ghost, Yeah not in the way you think. I dont actually see them but I feel them around me. It has never bothered me, until now. It keeps me awakr at night. Well maybe proper version would be someone is keeping me awake. I'm tired and my lack of sleep is probaly one more reason for this writing process.
Anyway, I go watch scary movie soon, Haunting in Connecticut. I have heard it based on true strory (like they always have) but I'm super excited to see it. Maybe it will calm my nerves and a whoever spirit os bothering me to finally show up tell me what it wants.
Okay I go now but I will be back with my random chatting with myself so I can read this when I'm old and dying and remember how I use to be so awesome.